I have been reflecting deep within myself on this last year for the past few days and I am really grateful for everything I have. We have come pretty far from where we were just a year ago and my heart is full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father. We have been blessed immensely through family and friends and the gospel and we are just so grateful. I have really been loving life. There are many ups and sometimes it seems even more downs but it all strengthens us and helps us to see the bigger perspective. I often let all the little things and big things get to me and at times that causes the feeling of desperation and a lack of faith. I have felt my lack of faith many times this last year and Daniel has been there to pick up the slack and in just a small amount of time it is restored. I am so grateful for the strength he brings to our family.
On Sunday I felt inspired to bare my testimony. This does not happen often. I usually sit there and take care of the kids and don't even look inside myself to see if the spirit is prodding me to get up ( a horrible habit I know ). I noticed hardly anyone getting up and it made me realize that everyone is probably having a rough time and that they just weren't feeling it (this is how I was feeling). Christmas time brings much joy but can often bring feelings of sadness, regret, nostalgia and even loneliness. So I got up, I didn't think I would uplift anyone I just knew that getting up would uplift my spirits which was what I needed. When I sat back down I felt an overpowering feeling that I am not perfect and its ok that I am not. I do not bare a perfect testimony, I don't tell funny stories or horrible stories or stories that make you cry but I shared my testimony with everyone in the room and most importantly with myself. The feeling that I am imperfect gave me great comfort. I get so overwhelmed with all the things I feel I should be accomplishing and I am not and it pulls me down and makes me feel as though I am not good enough and constantly falling short.
I was reminded that I am not perfect, non of us is perfect but this life is the time to strive for that. But the perfection we are striving for is so that we can be with our families eternally. I kept telling myself perfection was getting my to do lists all accomplished, trying to keep up with everyone in the world. Sunday made me re-realized that I need to live in the world not of the world. I need to trust Heavenly Father with my short comings. I feel good and I wanted to share the feeling.